“Please don’t leave me da”, her words kept echoing. My dreams were flooded with the travel experience. She was resting on me till today morning until the sunrise separated us. It’s been only 8 hours I saw her last time, but felt as if it has been 8 decades. Ok that’s too much felt like been there for 8 months without seeing her.
The first thing I did after getting up was to sms her. I was scared whether her father or mother might read the message. I was scared whether her naughty brother will read it and tell it to her parents. So I forwarded a friendship message. I forwarded another one hoping to receive a reply from her.
It’s been more than 2 hours since I got any message from her. I was losing my patience and was worried too. All kinds of thoughts about her were circling my mind, right from accident, kidnapping, misbehaving of other boys, parents came to know about our relationship so planning for her marriage. I wonder why these thoughts occur. Maybe I shouldn’t watch masala films anymore. Faith is the strongest bond that binds and holds the relationship together. These kinds of situations where insecurity arises are the starting point for breaking the bonds. So patience and trust is very important in relationship. I again messaged her Hi. How are you? How is the vacation going?, a very formal message. I felt very bad for being in undercover. I am not doing anything wrong. But for our parents it is a sin. I again didn’t receive any message for the next 60 minutes. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to be with my mobile so that I can know immediately whenever she replies. I randomly called a friend in the phone contact list. I looked at the mobile screen after calling and it showed Anirudh calling…
Anirudh: “Hi machi. What a surprise? What made you to call me?”
Me: “You As****e never call me and that made me to call you. So wassup? Howz things on your side?”
Anirudh: “Nothing much machi. What about you? Any girl friends?” All roads lead to
Me: “Ya that’s going on fine man. I told you right.” I swear I never told him but you know that’s how we start bragging. I was sure he will ask me further details if I mention I told you.
Anirudh: “Hey you didn’t tell me. Who is that girl man?”
Me: “Remember Subhiksha from C section in our school? She is my girl now”
Anirudh: “Who is that da? I never knew such a girl? Don’t tell me you both are in relationship from school. I will kill you if you say yes”
Me: “No man. Even I know her only from college. We should have been to school regularly to know about pretty studious girls. Anyways she stays in the HPCL apartments. Her father is the owner of Shillong chain of supermarkets”
Anirudh: “oh subhiksha raman. I know her. I have talked to her once. She is family friend of arun karthik da, that studious dumb ass who talks only to girls”
She never said that to me. That was shocking. I have been with her for quite some time and she hasn’t told me about this. I tried not express it to him on the phone.
Me: “Ya da. She told to me once. She also doesn’t like him, but what can she do, he is her family friend”
Anirudh: “If she doesn’t like she can avoid him”
I felt like slapping him for giving me advice and adding fuel to my burning stomach and all other parts of body.
Me: “It’s complicated man. Ok I am receiving another call. I will talk to you later. Bye, keep in touch” I wished not to call him again ever.
Anirudh: “ya see you man. Bye”
I got pissed off. I would have not been angry or possessive if we were friends. But now in relationship, insecurity plays a major role. That was a real emotional breakdown for any person in a relationship. She is arun karthik’s family friend. Of all person on earth I don’t know why girls talk to boys who are enemies to their boyfriends and the vice-versa. When a girl asks not to talk to a girl to her boy friend, he becomes a very close friend. I hated arun karthik to the core. I don’t know why. Maybe lots of girls talk to him. Anyways I was angry. I was waiting for the entire day without even a message for her. I messaged her more than 10 to 15 sms. It was 7 30, when I received her call. I was eating that time. But I left the food and ran with the mobile to the terrace so that I have some privacy.
Me: “hey how are you? I am waiting for your reply from the morning. I was worried and scared”
Subhiksha: “what can I do? I went to my relatives place and everyone was there. I couldn’t message you. People were asking me why am I receiving so many messages and somehow I managed”
I didn’t know what to talk. I was pissed off bcos I haven’t received any reply. She didn’t tell about arun karthik and more of all I felt she was giving some stupid reasons. What can they say if she replies to a message, just one message to tell me that she is busy and will talk later? This is why it’s hard to understand girls. You never know what’s in their mind. I was having the mobile in my hand where ever I went, including bathroom and rest room. All these thoughts made me to start the fight, our first real fight that marked the beginning of a war.
Me: “So you free now? How was your day? What did you do?”
Subhiksha: “Nothing much. Went to family friends place and then to relatives. So day just went. What about you?”
Me: “Nothing much. I was just thinking about you. Who is your family friend? You never told about it?”
Subhiksha: “leave it. You don’t know them and it’s not that important. Had dinner?”
Me: “why are you diverting the topic? Is it arun karthik?” a small silence was felt on both the sides.
Subhiksha: “who told you?”
Me: “some third person. Why didn’t you tell me about this before? I thought I know everything about you but some third person knows you better than me. That too you are my enemy’s friend”
Subhiksha: “are you nuts? I know him before you know me. Don’t talk to me like this. Whoever told you this; I don’t want you to talk to him again. Such annoying characters your friends are”
Girls have this excellent skill of handling the fight with their boy friend. When the boy friend starts to blame her, she starts to blame him for which the guy gets confused and forgets what’s the real problem is and starts to believe that he was wrong.
Me: “don’t talk about my friends. If they haven’t told, I wouldn’t have known about this. They are much better than arun karthik. You know that I don’t like him and still you went to his place and spent the time with him but not even bothered to message me. Why did you do this?”
Subhiksha: “Excuse me. Do you doubt me? Do you know how hard it is being a girl? Even now when everyone went for dinner to
Me: “hey sorry sorry. I love you. Sorry da. I am so sorry. I was angry. I do not doubt you. Please forgive me honey, I love you. I swear I won’t talk to you like this here after. Hello Hello”
I forgot what the problem was. I felt as if I am a culprit.
Subhiksha: “I am there” she said angrily
Me: “sorry. Please talk to me like before”
Subhiksha: “I don’t know. I can’t change immediately. I will go and sleep now”
Me: “hey sorry please. I heard he is not a good person, that’s why I was afraid. I was feeling very bad as I couldn’t see you. I am not able to do anything properly. Shall we meet somewhere?”
Subhiksha: “Thank god at least now you thought something useful. Do that and then talk to me.”
Me: “Tell me when you will be free and how long you can stay outside?”
Subhiksha: “Thursday everyone is going outside and I will tell them I am going for some career fair and come outside”.
Today is Saturday and still 5 more days to go.
Me: “You are a 420. I never expected you to think like this J m the only innocent ah” the tensions eased and she started to smile and so did I.
Subhiksha: “That’s a lie. You are not innocent. Innocents don’t do things like what you did in bus”
I know where she was coming. Girls have more emotions and feelings than guys. But they are in control unlike us. They initiate indirectly and allow us to grasp it. A good boyfriend will definitely grasp it J
Me: “what did I do? I don’t remember anything? What happened in bus? I am innocent”
Subhiksha: “I swear will kill you if you are in front of me now.”
Me: “cool down honey. I am gonna miss you for next 5 days. So give me a kiss so that I will keep thinking about it for the next 5 days until I see you”
Subhiksha: “Sorry I can’t. You want to make it a habit ah. I left you that day itself. You made me to cry remember. You were so rude that day”
I kept quite. I couldn’t speak as I felt heavy. The picture of that incident when she was crying came in front of me to haunt.
Subhiksha: “hello? You there?”
Me: “hmmm”
Subhiksha: “what happened?”
Me: “no nothing. Sorry for my poor behavior that day. You made me feel again”
Subhiksha: “Muahh. I love you. Are you ok now?”
Oh boy she kissed me J its easy to soothe men. You hug them or kiss them or cry, men will come to your track. They are weak J
Me: “hello. What did you say? I didn’t hear? Please tell me again?” I lied. I wanted more J
Subhiksha: “I said go to hell”
Me: “Muahh. I love you too”
She then talked about her family and friends and her dream. When she heard the door bell, she kissed me and disconnected. After the call, the only thing which ran on my mind was the plans for Thursday.
Thursday
She got permission to stay outside from 10am to 6pm. She asked me to wait on the bus stop which was 2 streets away from her house. She took the bus from the bus stop near her house and got down in the next stop where I was waiting for her for the last 30 minutes. She came at 10 30.
Subhiksha: “sorry for the delay. When did u come?”
Me: “I came at 9 15” I came only at 10 but lied to her. My intention was not to lie. I told it to make her feel that she is someone special for me that I can wait for hours. There was no other reason for the lie. This is one of my biggest blunder. I was not myself. I never knew this will hurt me in the future so much.
Subhiksha: “sorry honey. You are so sweet” She came near me and whispered in my ears, “I love you sexy”
Me: “Sexy? Are you in full mood? Morning did you see some Malayalam movie or what? J” She gave a gentle slap on my face and we went for a movie. I enjoyed that touch.
I made another mistake. I realized why people take their girl friends to a dull, slow English movie with hardly 20 to 30 people in the cine hall. I took her to a very good movie and she got integrated with the movie. I don’t watch movie that much. I was bored.
I slowly placed my hand over her hand.
Me: “Honey. I love you so much”
Subhiksha: “shhh. Don’t disturb yaar. Watch the movie”
Me: “I don’t like this movie. I want to talk to you”
Subhiksha: “I like it very much. Let’s talk after the movie or during interval”
I looked at my watch and calculated that still 40 minutes left for interval. I slid down from my seat so that I don’t disturb people behind us.
I then slowly moved my head near her shoulder. She pushed me hard and I was back to my place instantly. I got angry and started to watch the movie. She then placed her hand on my hand. This time it was my turn so I took my hands off. She took my hand and joined it with her hand. We had 10 fingers for each of our hand now. Since everyone was busy watching the movie as it was good. I continued my job after the interval. Our hands were always together. I took her hand and kissed it. She then fell on my shoulders and I held her arm tightly.
The movie was over by 2 30pm and after having lunch we reached the beach at 4 30.
Subhiksha: “I have to go back home at 6. I don’t want to”
Me: “come with me to my home. Don’t go”
Subhiksha: “what will you do if your mom doesn’t like me?”
Me: “I will come out of house. What will you do?”
Subhiksha: “I can escape from you and marry a smart handsome guy”
A small pat on her head and she tried to avoid it with a smile. Then there came a female astrologer who kept on asking us to show our hand for palmistry. She left after sometime when we continuously kept ignoring her.
Subhiksha: “do you believe in astrology?”
Me: “you want to know about the future? I can read from your hand. I know to some extent” I lied. I needed a reason to hold her hand. I always dream for a long walk with my girl, holding her hands in the seashore.
Subhiksha: “Don’t lie”
Me: “Trust me. Show your hand”
I took her hand even before she showed it completely. I was feeling the softness of her hand. It was soft similar to a new born baby.
Subhiksha: “what are you doing?”
Me: “Nothing. It’s so soft. Which soap you use?”
Subhiksha: “Do your duty. Else I will take my hand”
I know she will not. No girl will allow a man to hold her hand unless she likes him, that too when she knows that he is holding it for nothing.
Me: “You have a very bright future. You will marry the person whom you love. You are lucky enough to get a guy like him”
Subhiksha: “liar” she said and smiled
Me: “I am not lying. I am telling the truth. Its there in your hand”
Subhiksha: “you know what, for girls people see only from their left hand and not from right hand” she withdrew her hand and smiled sarcastically.
Me: “Oops caught” I have to surrender, no other go.
Meanwhile we forgot to note the time. It was 5 30.
Subhiksha: “oh shit its 5 30. We have to leave”
Me: “don’t worry. I will take you on time”
Unfortunately there was heavy traffic as some politician was holding a meeting near the beach. We were stuck. Vehicles were moving inch by inch. We were riding together with tensions, frustrations and anger.
Subhiksha: “oh my god. I am gone. It’s all because of you. I told you it’s a bad idea to go to beach. Are you happy now?”
Me: “Shut up. I am driving my best. Nothing will happen. Is she your mom or a Rakshas? Why are you scared?”
Subhiksha: “Don’t talk about my mom”
I was trying to make some fun because I thought that might reduce some pressure and she can relax for sometime but never expected it to end in fight. I didn’t realize that the mood of the girls change so quickly. Jokes of men and girls are always indirectly proportional to each other.
Me: “I will talk like that only. What will you do? She is your mom and not a military officer. Look at my mom she is too cool you know”
Subhiksha: “Shut up and don’t irritate me ok. Just take me home”
I never realized I was crossing my limits
Me: “what will your mom do if you go late?” she didn’t respond. “Are you angry? You are also behaving like Rakshas junior”
Subhiksha: “stop it. This is the limit”
Me: “are you angry? I know how to reduce your anger” I said and smiled
Subhiksha: “how?” she asked with a rough tone
Me: “Remember the bus travel? A kiss will reduce it. I am also waiting”
I don’t know why I said that. I thought I was making fun and at the same time wanted to kiss her as she was leaving. But I shouldn’t have after the heated conversation which was going on. We were almost there and it was already 6 30. She had been receiving calls from her mother which she didn’t pick up.
Subhiksha: “you thought I am that cheap girl. You think you can do and talk whatever you want and I will be happy again if you kiss me? Now I realize that you are moving with me only for my body. Stop the bike. I don’t what to come with you anymore”
I adjusted the rear view mirror to see her eyes moistened with tears.
Subhiksha: “I said stop the bike” she shouted and people were looking at us. I was scared and had no other option than to stop it. Her home was in the walk able distance. She got down
Me: “sorry dear I…” before I completed
Subhiksha: “You proved you are just another man. You said lot of things about Arun karthik but he is way better than you. Don’t ever talk to me again” she started walking and wiping her tears.
Me: “Subhi please stop. I am sorry” she didn’t look back.
I was afraid whether my first outing would become the last one too.
At present
A sound horn with few unpleasant and unparliamentary words from an auto rickshaw driver uncliched me from my past world and brought me back to the present world. I am in the railway station now.
Tu Meri Adhuri Pyas Pyas, Tu Agayi Mann Ko Ras Ras Aab Tho Thu Aaja Pass Paaaas,
That’s my ring tone. I looked at the mobile and it showed two things Arun karthik calling… and Low battery
The entire day was a mess. Adding to that mess, I forgot to charge the battery of my mobile. I pressed the answer button and said hello. That’s it the phone was switched off. Fuck man. I don’t know the train in which she comes. I don’t know the place from which she comes. I don’t know her number or Arun karthik number to call from the public booth. I am screwed. This is not something new. I started to mess with my life after she left me on road that day. That was the worst phase of my life called How to Screw your life.
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