The Love life

Lub Dub. Lub Dub. Lub Dub

My heart is pumping very fast. I crossed 2 kms sprinting. I have to reach on time. She needs me now. Honey, I will be on time. The bus in which I came stopped at least 3 kms before the railway station because of a political rally. Fucking politicians, they get all our money, don’t do anything. Even if they don’t do anything for us, I would be happy if they don’t disturb out normal lives. But ass****S. I scolded all through the way and then again thought about her. Everything ran in my mind, how I met her, How did I fall for her, the failures, unexpected surprise, the fight and the career. Everything ran in my mind in frames so quickly. Also I had few questions. Why did I meet her? What made me so close to her? Why am I running to meet her now? I was rewinding our days together.

Chapter 1 – Love Failure

4 years before

I entered the class late on the first day. I had to cross all the parents and students who were waiting to see their names on the notice board to know the class room number. My parents left yesterday after making all the arrangements in hostel. I know my mom will be crying by now. I was put in ‘T’ Section and was above the canteen.

“Late on first day itself”, professor smiled at me.

“Sorry sir” I said and was looking for a place in the almost filled class.

“Lucky you. Last bench is free. Go there” and everybody laughed.

I also smiled and was indeed happy as it is often called Maapillai bench. My same place in school. After the introduction, the professor announced the rules of the college and informed about the exams, internals, subjects and all other unwanted stuffs. It was during the break, I met her first.

“Hi. Are you from Chennai?” I looked around to confirm whether she asked me or someone else.

“You asking me?”

“Only you are here. I am not mad to talk alone” and she smiled

I didn’t know what to talk and “uh. hmm. Ya I am from Chennai and did my schooling in SBOA”

“I am Subhiksha. I have seen you in the school and heard about you. That’s why asked you”.

“Oh. You also from SBOA? I have never seen you in the school”.

“For that you have to come to school. I know you always roam with Riaz group” she smiled at me.

What the hell, how did she know all these stuff??? Whatever it is she is telling the truth. I also smiled at her. The bell rang. It signaled the end of period. We had the same introductions and all the talks just like the previous period. For the entire period, I thought about only one thing. Wow a pretty girl knows about me. I am ashamed to call myself a boy without knowing about the girls in my school. Two things I decided not to fall for. One is money and next thing is girls. Whether I study or not, I try to maintain my dignity in these 2 things at least.

After 4 months

Things have changed a lot. The class room was no more silent like the first day. More of all, me and subhiksha became very close. I don’t know how. She used to ask me a lot which no one did. Even when I don’t talk to her she used to talk to me. Even if there isn’t anything she used to ask me “I am feeling very sleepy. What about you??”

“ya I had lunch” I said and she laughed hard

“Sorry what did you ask??” she found I was sleeping to the core and the professor noticed and sent us out of the class.

“Thank god. Come lets go to canteen” she whispered in my ears as we went out.

These are just example. There were plenty. I believed she liked my companion. So far I thought I will be boring companion for girls. It was something new for me.

We started to roam together. The entire college believed we were in relationship and so did I. But you know, how strong or how manly you maybe, love makes you weak. I was not afraid of anything until the instance when I felt I was in love. I didn’t know how to tell her because I was not sure whether we were really in a relationship or she still thinks me as a friend. I don’t know much about girls but I know something about them. You have to talk all the important information to girls only after knowing their mood. And you got to be very careful in choosing the words you speak. The important thing you should never do is compare the girl with anyone else. I think this is where the problem starts between mother in law and daughter in law also. When a husband compares the cooking of his wife or dressing sense like “you look like my mom. It is not as good as my mom’s sambhar.” you are gone and so does your relationship. From men’s perspective it may look wrong, but that’s their nature. Even your mom won’t like comparing her with your wife. Well you can’t do much about it, just like men keep thinking about sex and money more often than anything else.

Anyways, I decided to tell her how I felt, after knowing her mood but as soon as possible.

2 months later

I could feel the excitement in myself. I couldn’t control my feelings for her. I decided to tell her, how much I love her and care for her. Well then I need to figure out a way to propose her. The way of proposing to a girl is very important. How much ever the girl likes you, they would want to hear from you, how much you love her and how important she is in your life. People propose in different ways; some write poems, some propose in a candle light dinner. There are some funny ways too. I still remember a guy in my school came running and handed over a letter to a girl and ran away from that place. Another guy wrote his name and the girl's name on the walls of the class. He acted as though he was innocent but was caught once writing on the blackboard. The only thing I know is to talk. So I decided to talk something wonderful about her and keeping in mind all the important do's and dont's. I also searched in google for better ideas. I was well prepared. Seriously if I had taken the effort I took now for the public exams, I could have easily got into some excellent colleges. Anyways m happy that I didn’t get into any other college, otherwise I wouldn’t have met her.

In these two months I gathered lots of information and things related to her. Right from Diary milk cover to rubber band and bindhi. When I close my eyes I see her speaking about loads of things while I just admire her voice and her body language. She puts the hair falling on her ears and moving her hands like waves. I want to hold her hands. But reality blocks it. I keep concentrating on her beautiful baby-ish (babies are pink when they are born so coined this term to make it more sweet, attractive and appealing) colored lips and lovely, lively, dolly eyes. Just one look through her eyes, I felt as I am the world trade center hit by the aircrafts or the so called eyes. I still smell the scent of her hair when she was resting on my shoulders while coming back to hostel from a horrible movie. I can feel the moisture in her eyes when she cried for the entire night in phone when her dad was sick. Though boys are bit less emotional my heart was heavy that day, not because of her dad, but because of her. I can still feel her soft cherry red angry eyes when I didn’t meet her at the right time.

Class room -Early in the morning (8 am)

“I don’t know what to say. I am not feeling so good. I don’t know whether you heard it or not, everybody in the college thinks we are in a relationship. It hurts me da. I know you have been a very good friend and would always want to be a friend. But the people around us are creating a bad impression about me. I am afraid whether my cousins in junior class will tell to mom and dad. So let’s not talk hereafter in the class or outside. If you need something then message me”

I kept my hand in the left side of my chest to feel my heart beat. I couldn’t. Probably it was heavy enough to shift my heart from that place. My eyes were getting wet. I could feel it but cannot show it to her as I will break her trust which I didn’t want to.

“Ya ok. No problem. I am going out now. So will talk to you over the phone tonight”.

“No. Don’t call me. I will reply for your messages. Thanks for understanding” she replied and I left the place with a smile.

Suddenly I felt the whole world has become empty. Everything just disappeared at one go. To whom I can tell this?? I walked back to my room. I couldn’t see anything as my eyes were covered with tears. I don’t remember when I cried the last time as it was way back in the past.

Lot of people can argue that it is silly and it doesn’t qualify in love failure category. Though it is just one side, still it is love. So from today onwards I am officially a love failure case.

(to be continued in next chapter)