Chapter 6 - Agent FOP1

Inspector Pandian came to the police station early in the morning at 6. After relaxing and going through the papers for sometime he turned to me. I was sleeping in the cell. My face was swollen. I had been crying almost the entire night, thinking about my career, thinking about my family, thinking about her and my friends. I was lonely. I couldn’t imagine I am in jail with bunch of kidnappers who tried to kidnap the local MLA’s wife, with a rapist who almost reached half century in raping, with few mafias and murder suspects. I heard a noise. It was similar to the noise that occurs when two rusted iron piece rub against each other. I opened my eyes to see the door open. Constable used his cane to wake me up and asked me come out.

Inspector: “How was the first night in prison? This is the first time I guess??”

Me: keeping my head low “hmmm”

Inspector: “you seem innocent but why did you do like that yesterday?’

To be honest I never expected an Inspector to ask like this. I rather imagined he would beat me to death or put me in prison for all the possible cases. But never expected to ask why I did that. I explained right from the beginning what ever happened. To add some effect I managed few drops of tears on my eyes.

Inspector: “hmm. Why the hell are you guys spoiling your life for love? Look at that guy and that girl. Do you think they can save your career now? Fools”

Me: Tears started to flood. I requested “Please sir don’t file a case on me. I swear I won’t repeat it again. I am sorry”

Inspector: “hmm. You can leave. I am leaving you just because I don’t want your career to be spoiled. This is a warning. Next time, I won’t be soft cornered. Understood?”

I thanked him and left to the hostel.

Hostel

When I was about to enter the hostel, I saw group of students gathered near the warden’s place. I felt something was happening. I went near to find my friends Ash, Nandy, Kart and Harish standing with their bags packed. I interrupted and asked what happened.

Warden: “How the hell did you managed to escape? You are also there in the list. You 5 guys are thrown out of the hostel immediately and you are suspended from college for 1 week for entering the girl’s hostel at late night and trying to misbehave. You all will leave now. A notice has been sent to all your parents”

Me: “Sir we are sorry but it was my fault. They didn’t do anything. I was the one who did everything. But I never misbehaved with any girl”

Warden: “there has been a complaint from a girl. You expect me to believe that you were drunk and went to girl’s hostel for nothing. Bull shit. Get out of my sight”

After failing to convince the warden finally we left the place. We went to a friend’s place who was living near the college. After a tiring night we couldn’t even speak to each other and we just slept. The time when I closed my eyes, my mobile started to ring

Tu meri adhuri pyas pyas to aagayi manko raas raas

Subhiksha calling…

After seeing that, my heart started dancing. But I was afraid to talk. I pressed the answer button

Subhisksha: “Hello”

After nearly two months I am hearing her voice. Even though she slapped me she didn’t even speak a word when all this drama happened.

Me: “Hello Subhi. How are you? I miss you. I love you. I am sorry for what ever I have done. I was frustrated”

Subhisksha: “I called you not to hear your stories, but to tell you that I hate you and I don’t want to continue the relationship. Leave me alone. I am fed up of all your non-sense talks and non-sense work. Just go away from my life. Don’t disturb me any more. Hope you understand. Bye” She just hung up the phone

I was holding the mobile even after she hung up. I wish I could die at that moment. I didn’t cry but rather I just laughed. I felt as if I lost everything in life and nothing more to lose.

2 days later

I have been trying to contact her for the last 2 days. I called all her friends but no one bothered to care about me. Some even asked me not to disturb them. Well love makes a person so weak that you tend to lose your dignity. Frustrated with myself I started to walk on the road. After walking for half an hour, I realized I lost my way. I couldn’t see anyone on the road. It was Wednesday afternoon around 2. Everyone has got a job or something to do except me. My suspension lasts till next week or 10 more days. I walked further and was hearing some speech, probably a politician meeting or something. I got some hope to go back home if I could ask someone there. I reached the gathering. Hardly 15 people were there and all were old people. There was a group of police giving protection for these 15 people. I went to a policeman and asked for the route to my home. While he was explaining suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back to see that it was Inspector Pandian.

Inspector: “what are you doing here? Didn’t you go to college?”

I explained him all the stuffs that happened. I don’t know but somehow I felt comfortable to tell everything to him.

Inspector: “At least now you realized that there is nothing called love. It was just the hormonal imbalance that happens when you attain puberty”

Yeah he was right. Men also attain puberty but no one knows about it. Even I don’t know when I attained it but I am sure I have and that’s why I was in love.

Inspector: “do you want to join me for a coffee”

Me: “sure but can you pay for me? I didn’t bring the money”

Inspector: “Who has the guts to give the bill to a policeman?”

We laughed at each other and he took me in his bike

In a road side tea shop

Inspector: “you look similar to my brother and that’s why I talk to you and advice you”

Me: “thanks. I am really happy that at least there is someone in this world who cares for me”

Inspector: “Oh come on. I hate people sympathizing themselves. Be a man first of all. This is just the beginning of life. In fact you have not even stepped into your life. So far you have been staying with your parents and they took care of you. Real life begins when the person is alone responsible to take care of his/her life. Just because you lost in love doesn’t mean that you lost in your life”

His word especially those 3 words Be a Man kept echoing in my ears. I felt ashamed of my life. The last time I felt ashamed was in my school. My pant was very loose that if I don’t buckle it with belt it will fall. Unluckily or luckily which ever you call my belt was damaged and the buckle came out separately. I was just holding my pants in the mens rest room which is next to women rest room and was waiting for someone whom I know to ask for belt as help. I got one person and got the belt. In that momentary happiness, I took the belt with the hand that was holding the pant and seconds later I was half naked of course I was wearing my underpants but still it was embarrassing. Few of my class girls especially the hottest chick in our college sunita saw me in that pose. After that whenever she sees me, she will laugh. I still cannot figure out the meaning for that laugh. Well coming back here, I was just standing and thinking about all the things that happened in a high speed of frames flash back. I kept quite until he broke the silence.

Pandian: “so what are you going to do in this 10 days? Thought about something or just going to cry like a crying baby?”

I got fumed up but still cannot show it as he is the inspector. So I replied politely

Me: “No I don’t have. If you have some work please tell me”

Pandian: “good. I have an idea which I want to experiment. It’s called FOP. Friends of police. Due to the increase in crime rate, I thought if we could find some young volunteers from public who can actually share some work from police for few hours during night. It would help reduce the crime at the same time brings responsibilities to young people and takes them in right direction in fighting for crimes. If you say yes then you will be the first person in India to do suck work. I want to try how far it works. So for this 10 days will you help. In future if you write IAS or IPS exams then I can help you regarding reference. It’s almost like police. What you think? Can you do that?”

My goodness. I am going to work with police. I cannot believe. That too if I work, I will be the first person in India to do so, that was awesome. I have nothing to lose, but I have a chance to correct all the things that went wrong now. If I can get his reference for IPS, then why not try it?

Me: “Sir. You have helped me a lot. And this really gives me confidence to fix all the things that went wrong so far. Working with police, that too for a guy like me is like giving me tickets for rajnikanth movie first day first show for free and that too in balcony. I am in. Will I get a gun?”

Pandian: “Hold on man. You are not police. You are just supporting us. Your duty will be to go with a policeman for night rounds and if you have doubts on anyone you have to go and make sure everything will be fine by inquiring them. The policeman will do everything, you just have to support him. Got it?”

I thought this is more like Gurkha job. Still anyway, instead of doing nothing, I can get to know lots of policeman and also rowdies. I felt just like in movies where heros beat the villans and will be immediately offered policeman jobs for their bravery. Since its an experimenting I know he wont give salary or money for this. But I don’t like to work free. So I asked him

Me: “Can I ask onething? Can you get me food for every night atleast as I don’t have money and I know there wont be any salary”

Pandian: “oh sure why not, if you maharaj need a house to stay we will provide that also. Ass***e you just got fucked up in life and now you want all luxuries ah. There is nothing like that, if you want you can do, if you don’t want, then you can leave now”

Well he has got a hot ass which raises his temper. Anyways I nodded yes and as I was about to leave the place he called me and said,

Pandian: “Be ready for the new journey. You are not police, yet you are near to police. From now on you are agent FOP1”

Chapter 6 - Agent FOP1

Inspector Pandian came to the police station early in the morning at 6. After relaxing and going through the papers for sometime he turned to me. I was sleeping in the cell. My face was swollen. I had been crying almost the entire night, thinking about my career, thinking about my family, thinking about her and my friends. I was lonely. I couldn’t imagine I am in jail with bunch of kidnappers who tried to kidnap the local MLA’s wife, with a rapist who almost reached half century in raping, with few mafias and murder suspects. I heard a noise. It was similar to the noise that occurs when two rusted iron piece rub against each other. I opened my eyes to see the door open. Constable used his cane to wake me up and asked me come out.

Inspector: “How was the first night in prison? This is the first time I guess??”

Me: keeping my head low “hmmm”

Inspector: “you seem innocent but why did you do like that yesterday?’

To be honest I never expected an Inspector to ask like this. I rather imagined he would beat me to death or put me in prison for all the possible cases. But never expected to ask why I did that. I explained right from the beginning what ever happened. To add some effect I managed few drops of tears on my eyes.

Inspector: “hmm. Why the hell are you guys spoiling your life for love? Look at that guy and that girl. Do you think they can save your career now? Fools”

Me: Tears started to flood. I requested “Please sir don’t file a case on me. I swear I won’t repeat it again. I am sorry”

Inspector: “hmm. You can leave. I am leaving you just because I don’t want your career to be spoiled. This is a warning. Next time, I won’t be soft cornered. Understood?”

I thanked him and left to the hostel.

Hostel

When I was about to enter the hostel, I saw group of students gathered near the warden’s place. I felt something was happening. I went near to find my friends Ash, Nandy, Kart and Harish standing with their bags packed. I interrupted and asked what happened.

Warden: “How the hell did you managed to escape? You are also there in the list. You 5 guys are thrown out of the hostel immediately and you are suspended from college for 1 week for entering the girl’s hostel at late night and trying to misbehave. You all will leave now. A notice has been sent to all your parents”

Me: “Sir we are sorry but it was my fault. They didn’t do anything. I was the one who did everything. But I never misbehaved with any girl”

Warden: “there has been a complaint from a girl. You expect me to believe that you were drunk and went to girl’s hostel for nothing. Bull shit. Get out of my sight”

After failing to convince the warden finally we left the place. We went to a friend’s place who was living near the college. After a tiring night we couldn’t even speak to each other and we just slept. The time when I closed my eyes, my mobile started to ring

Tu meri adhuri pyas pyas to aagayi manko raas raas

Subhiksha calling…

After seeing that, my heart started dancing. But I was afraid to talk. I pressed the answer button

Subhisksha: “Hello”

After nearly two months I am hearing her voice. Even though she slapped me she didn’t even speak a word when all this drama happened.

Me: “Hello Subhi. How are you? I miss you. I love you. I am sorry for what ever I have done. I was frustrated”

Subhisksha: “I called you not to hear your stories, but to tell you that I hate you and I don’t want to continue the relationship. Leave me alone. I am fed up of all your non-sense talks and non-sense work. Just go away from my life. Don’t disturb me any more. Hope you understand. Bye” She just hung up the phone

I was holding the mobile even after she hung up. I wish I could die at that moment. I didn’t cry but rather I just laughed. I felt as if I lost everything in life and nothing more to lose.

2 days later

I have been trying to contact her for the last 2 days. I called all her friends but no one bothered to care about me. Some even asked me not to disturb them. Well love makes a person so weak that you tend to lose your dignity. Frustrated with myself I started to walk on the road. After walking for half an hour, I realized I lost my way. I couldn’t see anyone on the road. It was Wednesday afternoon around 2. Everyone has got a job or something to do except me. My suspension lasts till next week or 10 more days. I walked further and was hearing some speech, probably a politician meeting or something. I got some hope to go back home if I could ask someone there. I reached the gathering. Hardly 15 people were there and all were old people. There was a group of police giving protection for these 15 people. I went to a policeman and asked for the route to my home. While he was explaining suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back to see that it was Inspector Pandian.

Inspector: “what are you doing here? Didn’t you go to college?”

I explained him all the stuffs that happened. I don’t know but somehow I felt comfortable to tell everything to him.

Inspector: “At least now you realized that there is nothing called love. It was just the hormonal imbalance that happens when you attain puberty”

Yeah he was right. Men also attain puberty but no one knows about it. Even I don’t know when I attained it but I am sure I have and that’s why I was in love.

Inspector: “do you want to join me for a coffee”

Me: “sure but can you pay for me? I didn’t bring the money”

Inspector: “Who has the guts to give the bill to a policeman?”

We laughed at each other and he took me in his bike

In a road side tea shop

Inspector: “you look similar to my brother and that’s why I talk to you and advice you”

Me: “thanks. I am really happy that at least there is someone in this world who cares for me”

Inspector: “Oh come on. I hate people sympathizing themselves. Be a man first of all. This is just the beginning of life. In fact you have not even stepped into your life. So far you have been staying with your parents and they took care of you. Real life begins when the person is alone responsible to take care of his/her life. Just because you lost in love doesn’t mean that you lost in your life”

His word especially those 3 words Be a Man kept echoing in my ears. I felt ashamed of my life. The last time I felt ashamed was in my school. My pant was very loose that if I don’t buckle it with belt it will fall. Unluckily or luckily which ever you call my belt was damaged and the buckle came out separately. I was just holding my pants in the mens rest room which is next to women rest room and was waiting for someone whom I know to ask for belt as help. I got one person and got the belt. In that momentary happiness, I took the belt with the hand that was holding the pant and seconds later I was half naked of course I was wearing my underpants but still it was embarrassing. Few of my class girls especially the hottest chick in our college sunita saw me in that pose. After that whenever she sees me, she will laugh. I still cannot figure out the meaning for that laugh. Well coming back here, I was just standing and thinking about all the things that happened in a high speed of frames flash back. I kept quite until he broke the silence.

Pandian: “so what are you going to do in this 10 days? Thought about something or just going to cry like a crying baby?”

I got fumed up but still cannot show it as he is the inspector. So I replied politely

Me: “No I don’t have. If you have some work please tell me”

Pandian: “good. I have an idea which I want to experiment. It’s called FOP. Friends of police. Due to the increase in crime rate, I thought if we could find some young volunteers from public who can actually share some work from police for few hours during night. It would help reduce the crime at the same time brings responsibilities to young people and takes them in right direction in fighting for crimes. If you say yes then you will be the first person in India to do suck work. I want to try how far it works. So for this 10 days will you help. In future if you write IAS or IPS exams then I can help you regarding reference. It’s almost like police. What you think? Can you do that?”

My goodness. I am going to work with police. I cannot believe. That too if I work, I will be the first person in India to do so, that was awesome. I have nothing to lose, but I have a chance to correct all the things that went wrong now. If I can get his reference for IPS, then why not try it?

Me: “Sir. You have helped me a lot. And this really gives me confidence to fix all the things that went wrong so far. Working with police, that too for a guy like me is like giving me tickets for rajnikanth movie first day first show for free and that too in balcony. I am in. Will I get a gun?”

Pandian: “Hold on man. You are not police. You are just supporting us. Your duty will be to go with a policeman for night rounds and if you have doubts on anyone you have to go and make sure everything will be fine by inquiring them. The policeman will do everything, you just have to support him. Got it?”

I thought this is more like Gurkha job. Still anyway, instead of doing nothing, I can get to know lots of policeman and also rowdies. I felt just like in movies where heros beat the villans and will be immediately offered policeman jobs for their bravery. Since its an experimenting I know he wont give salary or money for this. But I don’t like to work free. So I asked him

Me: “Can I ask onething? Can you get me food for every night atleast as I don’t have money and I know there wont be any salary”

Pandian: “oh sure why not, if you maharaj need a house to stay we will provide that also. Ass***e you just got fucked up in life and now you want all luxuries ah. There is nothing like that, if you want you can do, if you don’t want, then you can leave now”

Well he has got a hot ass which raises his temper. Anyways I nodded yes and as I was about to leave the place he called me and said,

Pandian: “Be ready for the new journey. You are not police, yet you are near to police. From now on you are agent FOP1”

Chapter 5 - How to Screw your life

I have been trying to contact her for the last 2 weeks but I couldn’t. I even tried to contact her through her friends but nothing really worked. I was looking like a typical devdas except for drinks and dogs. Because I was feeling low, 4 of my friends compelled me to come out with them for a movie and dinner. First I restrained, then hesitated and then joined them for the operation roaming out.

After watching the horrible movie everyone was tensed and we all hit the person who gave this crap idea and booked the tickets.

Ash: “I am not going to kill you only for one reason that you are my friend. If you ever give idea to watch a movie like this I swear we will kill you on the spot”

Me: “Free machi. Leave him. Let’s go for the dinner and because you gave this poor idea you are going to pay the bill”

Nandy: “I double agree”

Kart: “Machi I am really tensed after watching the movie. Let’s go to a bar. I have to get drunk today”

Harish: “Machi super da. Even I have to. I booked the tickets so I will sponsor for the drinks”

Well when everyone agrees I have no other option. I don’t drink, but I give them company and they really need someone to control them when they are drunk.

In the Bar

I was sitting quiet and allowed my friends to continue their conversation. Even though they were drunk and getting high they understood how much I feel bad.

Ash: “machi don’t worry. I am there for you always” in a typical drunken slang where the words take huge time to come out and people listening need experience to understand what they actually speak.

Me: “ya you are there”

Ash: “I am seriously there for you machi. Trust me” and he started crying for no reason

Nandy: “machi I guess he is high. What will you do for him?”

Ash: “I can do anything da. I can give him my quarter if he wants. Machi take this. Just one drink you will forget the sorrow and tomorrow morning everything will be fine”

Me: “Ya I have already had enough. Thanks”

Ash: “you are cheating me also? Why? If you drink this I will join you with your girl aneesha”

Me: “She is not aneesha. She is subhiksha”

Kart: “I am also ther. If you drink this I will also help you”

Me: “ya done. I already got drunk”

Harish: “Dei you don’t believe us. Come on guys we will promise now that we will join him with his girl friend tonight itself if he drinks this glass of alcohol.”

They started to shout ‘drink now, drink now’ and soon the entire bar started to sing along with them. The owner of the bar requested me to drink as he was scared if I don’t then there could be some damage to his properties. So without any option I took the glass and engulfed everything at one go. It was the worst thing I ever had. It tasted like varnish. After few minutes everyone started clapping and something was going on in my mind. I felt happy, sad and also as a hero in front of the drunkards. I got some courage and confidence and I didn’t realize I was also getting high.

Me: “machi and friends” I know I was blabbering “I did what you said and now you do what you promised me”

Ash: “machi all the problems are because of arun karthik. So first we will teach him a lesson and then we will go to her hostel and to her room and tell her we love you, sorry sorry you love her.”

When I heard the sentence teaching arun karthik a lesson, I was very happy. I immediately accepted it. He was also studying in our college. But first I thought of going to her hostel room and ask sorry and then teach arun karthik a lesson.

We climbed a tree outside the girls hostel fence and then jumped into the fence when no one saw us. There was an opening near the motor room that is on the opposite side of the hostel entrance. The opening was very big that through this anyone can enter even the man as big as the great Khali can enter and no security was available there. I wondered how girls were safe in such a hostel. We went inside the hostel and headed straight to warden’s room. I have heard from her that the warden’s room is the first room near the entrance. We peeked through the window and confirmed that the warden was sleeping. She was huge, well built and was almost like a photocopy of a hippo. I then locked the door from outside.

Me: “machi I locked the door”

Ash: “machi one small problem” I turned back to see 4 German Shepherds waiting as if it’s their dinner time. I closed my eyes and could hear their sound and my friends screaming. I thought I was gone but to my surprise they chased my friends who ran for their lives. That was the first time I saw dogs can also be fools. Anyways I was determined in my mission to meet her. The hostel is a circular building and has staircase in three positions. I don’t remember her room number. It must be 303 or 330. I started to walk in the staircase. I reached the second floor and saw 2 of my friends jumping out of the fence while 2 others were still running. Some of the girls were awake and started to scream. Luckily no one noticed. Since it was too late most of them were in deep sleep I guess. I reached the third floor and turned to my left to see room number 301. I walked a little bit further passing by room number 302 and stopped at 303. I looked to my right and left before knocking the door.

Knock knock

I called her name in a low voice so that I don’t disturb others

“Subhi Subhi”

Suddenly the next door opened and 2 girls came out. They were stunned to see me and I didn’t know what to do so I said hi

They started to scream and the door of 303 opened. Subhiksha was there standing and I said hi. She too joined the screaming contest. Before I could run, the omelet I had gave me some troubles and when I tried to control their screaming by shouting at them, the omelet came to my throat and I couldn’t control. I puked just in front of her room. She stopped screaming.

Me: “I am sorry. I got drunk” I dono why I said this. Maybe she might get some sympathy but it turned out to be a disaster. She just gave me a slap. I was shocked. I was just standing there looking at her and covered my poor cheek with my hands. The other girls came with some group of girls and I had no other choice than to escape. I ran fast and got to the ground floor. I didn’t see what was coming in front of me and just climbed the wall and jumped into a small pond outside the hostel. I knew I am finished. But more importantly the idea to get her back was a disaster. After running for 2 kilometers in 20 mins without even turning back I stopped to get some air and to breathe. I called my friends and we met in the bus stand at 2 am. There was no one on the street except for some stray dogs and some people sleeping in the bus stop and plat form.

Me: “I can never get her back man”

Kart: “what happened?” and I explained whatever happened to them.

Ash: “machi its all because of that bastard aun karthik. We will go and show him who we are”

Harish: “machi I don’t think it’s a good idea”

Nandha: “scre arun karthik. It’s all because of him. Come on guys this is for our friend. Our mission is to make our friend happy. Let’s get that fucker down”

I was really charged up especially my sadness turned to anger. We went to his house. He was a day scholar.

I opened the door and was about to ring the bell when suddenly nandha started to talk

Nandha: “what the fuck are you doing? We are here to thrash him and not talk to him. Start with a bang” as soon as he completed he bend down to take a stone and throwed it on the window. The glass shattered into pieces. We all laughed and got pumped up. Everyone of us picked up the stone and started throwing.

Me: “you bastard come out of the house. You think I am a gentleman. I will show you who I am. Come out you ass hole”

Ash: “come out you bastard. My friend is waiting for you. If you are really a man come out”

The lights were switched on inside the house. We also notices the lights of neighbours were also switched on.

Harish: “machi I think its becoming a big issue. Lets run away before someone comes” kathik and harish tried to take nandha, ashwin and me with them. But I was completely down that they took nandha and ashswin with them. I was left alone shouting in the streets.

Me: “come out you asshole”

The door opened and I saw a old man coming outside. I never expected arun karthik to be that old.

Me: “when did you became old?” I laughed at him and asked him. But he was in no mood to answer my reply. I saw few more people coming out from their house and suddenly saw arun karthik standing behind me.

Me: “what are you doing there? Trying to sleep with some other girl in the neighbouring house? Who is this old man in your house”

AK: “this is my house and that is his house”

Shit. All this time we broke and shouted in front of the wrong house. That aggrevated me further because he escaped. I searched for something by which I can attack him. I just had a half bottle of old monk and a match box. I took a handkerchief and soaked it in the old monk took my lighter and lighted the hand kerchief which I fixed in the bottle. As people watched, I threw it on the house of arun karthik. The bottle broke into pieces immediately followed by a blast equal to that of atom bomb which we blast during diwali. The crowd started gathering and everyone was getting freaked out. I felt like a hero and made few punch dialogues

Me: “if again I see you talking to my girl friend I swear I will throw the bomb on you”

I turned to the other side and was shell shocked to see police constables waiting for me. Even before I realized what was going on, I felt a great pain on my head as if a thunder stuck me. After feeling the pain in my buttocks and legs I realized it was not thunder and it was their latti.

Me: “sir sir sorry sit. I am like you son. Please leave me”

Just as I was crying a police jeep came into the area. It was inspector pandian.

Ins: “what’s going on? What the fuck are you doing man?” he asked me straight away and he continued “who called the cops?”

The old man spoke for the first time

Old man: “sir I only called you. This guy broke all the glass and even throwed a bomb. I don’t know what the problem is. There were few more people but they left and he is highly drunk”

Inspector came to me and without asking anything gave me 3 severe slaps.

Ins: “bring him to the station. You come and give a complaint tomo morning” he ordered the old man and he nodded responsibly.

For the first time in my life I was arrested by the police for public nuisance and was thrown into the cell along with some notorious people in the town. I knew my life is gone. The college will chuck me out, she will not even see me here after. Arun kathik has won against me without even fighting. My career is gone. For the first time in many months, I remembered my parents and missed them badly. I realized I screwed my own life.

My First Outing

“Please don’t leave me da”, her words kept echoing. My dreams were flooded with the travel experience. She was resting on me till today morning until the sunrise separated us. It’s been only 8 hours I saw her last time, but felt as if it has been 8 decades. Ok that’s too much felt like been there for 8 months without seeing her.

The first thing I did after getting up was to sms her. I was scared whether her father or mother might read the message. I was scared whether her naughty brother will read it and tell it to her parents. So I forwarded a friendship message. I forwarded another one hoping to receive a reply from her.

It’s been more than 2 hours since I got any message from her. I was losing my patience and was worried too. All kinds of thoughts about her were circling my mind, right from accident, kidnapping, misbehaving of other boys, parents came to know about our relationship so planning for her marriage. I wonder why these thoughts occur. Maybe I shouldn’t watch masala films anymore. Faith is the strongest bond that binds and holds the relationship together. These kinds of situations where insecurity arises are the starting point for breaking the bonds. So patience and trust is very important in relationship. I again messaged her Hi. How are you? How is the vacation going?, a very formal message. I felt very bad for being in undercover. I am not doing anything wrong. But for our parents it is a sin. I again didn’t receive any message for the next 60 minutes. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to be with my mobile so that I can know immediately whenever she replies. I randomly called a friend in the phone contact list. I looked at the mobile screen after calling and it showed Anirudh calling…

Anirudh: “Hi machi. What a surprise? What made you to call me?”

Me: “You As****e never call me and that made me to call you. So wassup? Howz things on your side?”

Anirudh: “Nothing much machi. What about you? Any girl friends?” All roads lead to Rome. Where ever and what ever you talk, guys will come to the topic about girls, which is very important for guys. Guys will usually brag when they are in a relationship. Whoever comes to see them, they will keep talking about their girl friend so that they can create jealousy among the other guys who do not have a girl friend and trust me it definitely works. Even if their girl friends are not that pretty or smart they brag and what will a guy like me do with such a pretty, intelligent and intellectual girl. I was waiting for this moment and grabbed it with both the hands.

Me: “Ya that’s going on fine man. I told you right.” I swear I never told him but you know that’s how we start bragging. I was sure he will ask me further details if I mention I told you.

Anirudh: “Hey you didn’t tell me. Who is that girl man?”

Me: “Remember Subhiksha from C section in our school? She is my girl now”

Anirudh: “Who is that da? I never knew such a girl? Don’t tell me you both are in relationship from school. I will kill you if you say yes”

Me: “No man. Even I know her only from college. We should have been to school regularly to know about pretty studious girls. Anyways she stays in the HPCL apartments. Her father is the owner of Shillong chain of supermarkets”

Anirudh: “oh subhiksha raman. I know her. I have talked to her once. She is family friend of arun karthik da, that studious dumb ass who talks only to girls”

She never said that to me. That was shocking. I have been with her for quite some time and she hasn’t told me about this. I tried not express it to him on the phone.

Me: “Ya da. She told to me once. She also doesn’t like him, but what can she do, he is her family friend”

Anirudh: “If she doesn’t like she can avoid him”

I felt like slapping him for giving me advice and adding fuel to my burning stomach and all other parts of body.

Me: “It’s complicated man. Ok I am receiving another call. I will talk to you later. Bye, keep in touch” I wished not to call him again ever.

Anirudh: “ya see you man. Bye”

I got pissed off. I would have not been angry or possessive if we were friends. But now in relationship, insecurity plays a major role. That was a real emotional breakdown for any person in a relationship. She is arun karthik’s family friend. Of all person on earth I don’t know why girls talk to boys who are enemies to their boyfriends and the vice-versa. When a girl asks not to talk to a girl to her boy friend, he becomes a very close friend. I hated arun karthik to the core. I don’t know why. Maybe lots of girls talk to him. Anyways I was angry. I was waiting for the entire day without even a message for her. I messaged her more than 10 to 15 sms. It was 7 30, when I received her call. I was eating that time. But I left the food and ran with the mobile to the terrace so that I have some privacy.

Me: “hey how are you? I am waiting for your reply from the morning. I was worried and scared”

Subhiksha: “what can I do? I went to my relatives place and everyone was there. I couldn’t message you. People were asking me why am I receiving so many messages and somehow I managed”

I didn’t know what to talk. I was pissed off bcos I haven’t received any reply. She didn’t tell about arun karthik and more of all I felt she was giving some stupid reasons. What can they say if she replies to a message, just one message to tell me that she is busy and will talk later? This is why it’s hard to understand girls. You never know what’s in their mind. I was having the mobile in my hand where ever I went, including bathroom and rest room. All these thoughts made me to start the fight, our first real fight that marked the beginning of a war.

Me: “So you free now? How was your day? What did you do?”

Subhiksha: “Nothing much. Went to family friends place and then to relatives. So day just went. What about you?”

Me: “Nothing much. I was just thinking about you. Who is your family friend? You never told about it?”

Subhiksha: “leave it. You don’t know them and it’s not that important. Had dinner?”

Me: “why are you diverting the topic? Is it arun karthik?” a small silence was felt on both the sides.

Subhiksha: “who told you?”

Me: “some third person. Why didn’t you tell me about this before? I thought I know everything about you but some third person knows you better than me. That too you are my enemy’s friend”

Subhiksha: “are you nuts? I know him before you know me. Don’t talk to me like this. Whoever told you this; I don’t want you to talk to him again. Such annoying characters your friends are”

Girls have this excellent skill of handling the fight with their boy friend. When the boy friend starts to blame her, she starts to blame him for which the guy gets confused and forgets what’s the real problem is and starts to believe that he was wrong.

Me: “don’t talk about my friends. If they haven’t told, I wouldn’t have known about this. They are much better than arun karthik. You know that I don’t like him and still you went to his place and spent the time with him but not even bothered to message me. Why did you do this?”

Subhiksha: “Excuse me. Do you doubt me? Do you know how hard it is being a girl? Even now when everyone went for dinner to Meridian, I stayed home stating I have period problem just for you and you doubt me. I don’t want to talk to you. Bye”

Me: “hey sorry sorry. I love you. Sorry da. I am so sorry. I was angry. I do not doubt you. Please forgive me honey, I love you. I swear I won’t talk to you like this here after. Hello Hello”

I forgot what the problem was. I felt as if I am a culprit.

Subhiksha: “I am there” she said angrily

Me: “sorry. Please talk to me like before”

Subhiksha: “I don’t know. I can’t change immediately. I will go and sleep now”

Me: “hey sorry please. I heard he is not a good person, that’s why I was afraid. I was feeling very bad as I couldn’t see you. I am not able to do anything properly. Shall we meet somewhere?”

Subhiksha: “Thank god at least now you thought something useful. Do that and then talk to me.”

Me: “Tell me when you will be free and how long you can stay outside?”

Subhiksha: “Thursday everyone is going outside and I will tell them I am going for some career fair and come outside”.

Today is Saturday and still 5 more days to go.

Me: “You are a 420. I never expected you to think like this J m the only innocent ah” the tensions eased and she started to smile and so did I.

Subhiksha: “That’s a lie. You are not innocent. Innocents don’t do things like what you did in bus”

I know where she was coming. Girls have more emotions and feelings than guys. But they are in control unlike us. They initiate indirectly and allow us to grasp it. A good boyfriend will definitely grasp it J

Me: “what did I do? I don’t remember anything? What happened in bus? I am innocent”

Subhiksha: “I swear will kill you if you are in front of me now.”

Me: “cool down honey. I am gonna miss you for next 5 days. So give me a kiss so that I will keep thinking about it for the next 5 days until I see you”

Subhiksha: “Sorry I can’t. You want to make it a habit ah. I left you that day itself. You made me to cry remember. You were so rude that day”

I kept quite. I couldn’t speak as I felt heavy. The picture of that incident when she was crying came in front of me to haunt.

Subhiksha: “hello? You there?”

Me: “hmmm”

Subhiksha: “what happened?”

Me: “no nothing. Sorry for my poor behavior that day. You made me feel again”

Subhiksha: “Muahh. I love you. Are you ok now?”

Oh boy she kissed me J its easy to soothe men. You hug them or kiss them or cry, men will come to your track. They are weak J

Me: “hello. What did you say? I didn’t hear? Please tell me again?” I lied. I wanted more J

Subhiksha: “I said go to hell”

Me: “Muahh. I love you too”

She then talked about her family and friends and her dream. When she heard the door bell, she kissed me and disconnected. After the call, the only thing which ran on my mind was the plans for Thursday.

Thursday

She got permission to stay outside from 10am to 6pm. She asked me to wait on the bus stop which was 2 streets away from her house. She took the bus from the bus stop near her house and got down in the next stop where I was waiting for her for the last 30 minutes. She came at 10 30.

Subhiksha: “sorry for the delay. When did u come?”

Me: “I came at 9 15” I came only at 10 but lied to her. My intention was not to lie. I told it to make her feel that she is someone special for me that I can wait for hours. There was no other reason for the lie. This is one of my biggest blunder. I was not myself. I never knew this will hurt me in the future so much.

Subhiksha: “sorry honey. You are so sweet” She came near me and whispered in my ears, “I love you sexy”

Me: “Sexy? Are you in full mood? Morning did you see some Malayalam movie or what? J” She gave a gentle slap on my face and we went for a movie. I enjoyed that touch.

I made another mistake. I realized why people take their girl friends to a dull, slow English movie with hardly 20 to 30 people in the cine hall. I took her to a very good movie and she got integrated with the movie. I don’t watch movie that much. I was bored.

I slowly placed my hand over her hand.

Me: “Honey. I love you so much”

Subhiksha: “shhh. Don’t disturb yaar. Watch the movie”

Me: “I don’t like this movie. I want to talk to you”

Subhiksha: “I like it very much. Let’s talk after the movie or during interval”

I looked at my watch and calculated that still 40 minutes left for interval. I slid down from my seat so that I don’t disturb people behind us.

I then slowly moved my head near her shoulder. She pushed me hard and I was back to my place instantly. I got angry and started to watch the movie. She then placed her hand on my hand. This time it was my turn so I took my hands off. She took my hand and joined it with her hand. We had 10 fingers for each of our hand now. Since everyone was busy watching the movie as it was good. I continued my job after the interval. Our hands were always together. I took her hand and kissed it. She then fell on my shoulders and I held her arm tightly.

The movie was over by 2 30pm and after having lunch we reached the beach at 4 30.

Subhiksha: “I have to go back home at 6. I don’t want to”

Me: “come with me to my home. Don’t go”

Subhiksha: “what will you do if your mom doesn’t like me?”

Me: “I will come out of house. What will you do?”

Subhiksha: “I can escape from you and marry a smart handsome guy”

A small pat on her head and she tried to avoid it with a smile. Then there came a female astrologer who kept on asking us to show our hand for palmistry. She left after sometime when we continuously kept ignoring her.

Subhiksha: “do you believe in astrology?”

Me: “you want to know about the future? I can read from your hand. I know to some extent” I lied. I needed a reason to hold her hand. I always dream for a long walk with my girl, holding her hands in the seashore.

Subhiksha: “Don’t lie”

Me: “Trust me. Show your hand”

I took her hand even before she showed it completely. I was feeling the softness of her hand. It was soft similar to a new born baby.

Subhiksha: “what are you doing?”

Me: “Nothing. It’s so soft. Which soap you use?”

Subhiksha: “Do your duty. Else I will take my hand”

I know she will not. No girl will allow a man to hold her hand unless she likes him, that too when she knows that he is holding it for nothing.

Me: “You have a very bright future. You will marry the person whom you love. You are lucky enough to get a guy like him”

Subhiksha: “liar” she said and smiled

Me: “I am not lying. I am telling the truth. Its there in your hand”

Subhiksha: “you know what, for girls people see only from their left hand and not from right hand” she withdrew her hand and smiled sarcastically.

Me: “Oops caught” I have to surrender, no other go.

Meanwhile we forgot to note the time. It was 5 30.

Subhiksha: “oh shit its 5 30. We have to leave”

Me: “don’t worry. I will take you on time”

Unfortunately there was heavy traffic as some politician was holding a meeting near the beach. We were stuck. Vehicles were moving inch by inch. We were riding together with tensions, frustrations and anger.

Subhiksha: “oh my god. I am gone. It’s all because of you. I told you it’s a bad idea to go to beach. Are you happy now?”

Me: “Shut up. I am driving my best. Nothing will happen. Is she your mom or a Rakshas? Why are you scared?”

Subhiksha: “Don’t talk about my mom”

I was trying to make some fun because I thought that might reduce some pressure and she can relax for sometime but never expected it to end in fight. I didn’t realize that the mood of the girls change so quickly. Jokes of men and girls are always indirectly proportional to each other.

Me: “I will talk like that only. What will you do? She is your mom and not a military officer. Look at my mom she is too cool you know”

Subhiksha: “Shut up and don’t irritate me ok. Just take me home”

I never realized I was crossing my limits

Me: “what will your mom do if you go late?” she didn’t respond. “Are you angry? You are also behaving like Rakshas junior”

Subhiksha: “stop it. This is the limit”

Me: “are you angry? I know how to reduce your anger” I said and smiled

Subhiksha: “how?” she asked with a rough tone

Me: “Remember the bus travel? A kiss will reduce it. I am also waiting”

I don’t know why I said that. I thought I was making fun and at the same time wanted to kiss her as she was leaving. But I shouldn’t have after the heated conversation which was going on. We were almost there and it was already 6 30. She had been receiving calls from her mother which she didn’t pick up.

Subhiksha: “you thought I am that cheap girl. You think you can do and talk whatever you want and I will be happy again if you kiss me? Now I realize that you are moving with me only for my body. Stop the bike. I don’t what to come with you anymore”

I adjusted the rear view mirror to see her eyes moistened with tears.

Subhiksha: “I said stop the bike” she shouted and people were looking at us. I was scared and had no other option than to stop it. Her home was in the walk able distance. She got down

Me: “sorry dear I…” before I completed

Subhiksha: “You proved you are just another man. You said lot of things about Arun karthik but he is way better than you. Don’t ever talk to me again” she started walking and wiping her tears.

Me: “Subhi please stop. I am sorry” she didn’t look back.

I was afraid whether my first outing would become the last one too.

At present

A sound horn with few unpleasant and unparliamentary words from an auto rickshaw driver uncliched me from my past world and brought me back to the present world. I am in the railway station now.

Tu Meri Adhuri Pyas Pyas, Tu Agayi Mann Ko Ras Ras Aab Tho Thu Aaja Pass Paaaas,

That’s my ring tone. I looked at the mobile and it showed two things Arun karthik calling… and Low battery

The entire day was a mess. Adding to that mess, I forgot to charge the battery of my mobile. I pressed the answer button and said hello. That’s it the phone was switched off. Fuck man. I don’t know the train in which she comes. I don’t know the place from which she comes. I don’t know her number or Arun karthik number to call from the public booth. I am screwed. This is not something new. I started to mess with my life after she left me on road that day. That was the worst phase of my life called How to Screw your life.

Chapter 3 - The Journey to Our Home

“Wake up. You have the practical exam today bro”

I slowly opened my eyes to see sachchidanand trying to wake me up. He is my roommate, a good man. The first thing I did was to search for my mobile. I looked at it and had 13 missed calls. 1 call from my mom, 1 call from Jeffry and 11 calls from my honey, Subhiksha. I thought I am dead. I tried calling her, but no response. Again I tried and again no response. I realized she must be angry. There is a valid reason for that. It’s been 6 months since we entered into the relationship. We speak for hours. Mostly it will be gossips. Everyone loves gossips, don’t they? In class, we sit in the same bench. We talk before, during and after every period. I guess almost every professor knows about our relationship by this time. Some ask us to sit separately while some don’t care. We then go to canteen almost every day, except for days when we both run out of money. I remember once, we didn’t feel like eating in hostel but we didn’t have money too. So we took another friend (a boy) of ours to canteen. You know the mentality about boys when they are with girls. They try to show as if they are the best gentleman in the world. So after ordering things, when I asked how much I have to pay, he said “no no wait I will pay this time”. Thank god as I planned it happened, if not I would have told him that I forgot to bring the money and ATM card doesn’t work (truth is there is no money in my account so atm card won’t work). Anyways he didn’t give me further chance to act. And when our aim was reached we didn’t bother to look at him and we started talking while he was simply watching us. After sometime, I guess he got frustrated and left. Anyways, I and subhiksha used to talk over the phone before we go to sleep. This talk will be different from all our other talks. I like this one more than others. I don’t know why night brings more fun than day. We used to talk like babies but not baby talks. When my mom asks questions like “had dinner? How many dosas? Is that enough for you?” I get angry and scold her “enough mom. I am not a baby. Don’t treat me like a child”. But when subhiksha asks the same questions I happily answer “ya had 4 dosas. Today dosa was not that good da. Sambhar was ok”. Most importantly I also ask the same questions to her. I know it’s crazy. I am so sorry mom. I woke up late today because I was talking to her till 2 and then tried to study a bit. After completing the exams, she was waiting outside for me. I went to her and started the conversation. I know she will be angry.

“Hey sorry da. Extremely sorry. I slept. I was not feeling well” tried the sympathy strategy.

“You don’t look sick. Stop acting” she didn’t bother to look at me but guessed it right. Oops I was caught. Girls have this special power to find out truth easily from men.

I tried hard to explain things but you know it’s hard to convince them. I was going behind her and was apologizing. I feel ashamed now but I just had only one thought at that time. I want her to talk to me as usual. Finally I succeeded over the phone that night.

The exams were over and came the holidays

The Journey to our home

We had booked our tickets in KPN travels (the most expensive private bus). This time it’s only me and her. From the hostel, we started at 6 pm and reached the departure stand by 7 30. Had our dinner till 9 pm in a multi-cuisine expensive restaurant (money doesn’t matter as the priority is to make her feel comfortable. How will money be a matter if its dad’s money and not mine?). In between, we met some of our college mates who teased both of us and created us a situation to fight. Thanks a lot guys for your kind help.

We boarded the bus on time. It’s an 8 hour journey. The bus started exactly at 10 pm. I booked the last 2 seats so that we don’t disturb others and more importantly we don’t get disturbed. I looked to the seats on the other side in our row. It was occupied by another pair. They were giggling, laughing and playing. I turned towards her, slowly and slightly touched her hand.

“What do you want?” she asked in an angry tone.

“Nothing” I was afraid and turned back. The lights were switched off. What is the use of going together without even talking?

I wanted to spend the whole night talking to her about hell lot of things. I didn’t want to waste even a single minute. I made a wrong decision by asking her to take the window seat. She was looking outside than looking at me and talking. It was because of the fight created during dinner.
I prayed silently,

“Oh god, what is this? Please make her speak to me. I will go 101 rounds in your temple”

I heard a voice answering my prayers

“Already you have 1111 rounds pending”. It was not god, but my conscience.

“Sorry god. I will fast and also do rounds when I reach college after holidays. Please, I am your child na” I was begging to god.

After begging, I turned to her side. She was closing the window.

“What happened?” I asked caringly.

“It’s raining” she replied sadly.

I closed my eyes for a moment and thanked god. He answered my prayers so soon. I was happy. I opened my eyes to find her closing her eyes.

“I am feeling sleepy. Good night” she said and started to sleep.

What the hell am I doing?

“Hey what is this? I am coming with you not to sleep with you. I mean not you sleep and I also sleep. (Boy be careful with your words else you will get down and go to hospital instead of going home. But it worked. She opened her eyes and looked me though angrily. My mind gave a small pat and motivated to continue the good job to grab her attention). I want to talk to you”.

“Tell me what you want to talk?”

My reflex action was not that good, so couldn’t able to manage immediately

“First decide what to talk. Let me sleep now. Don’t disturb me. Good night” she said and turned to the window side and started sleeping.

That was harsh. I am not a third party. I am her man. But still I can’t lose my dignity. I didn’t want to. So I turned to the other side. I saw the couples on the other side and grew jealous. The girl was resting on the guy’s chest and he held her around tightly. After few minutes I again turned to her. I noticed she was feeling cold. So I slowly held her hands together with my hands to give some warmth.

“What are you doing?” she turned to my side and asked me politely.

“I am trying to give you warmth. I know you are feeling cold. When you are shivering how can I sleep well?”

“Don’t lie. You make me fall for you with your lies”. After a long time she smiled. Thanks to my friends who came to meet us during the dinner.

“Sorry dear. I didn’t mean anything. They teased me, what can I do. ”

“It’s ok da. I am also sorry. I shouldn have behaved like this” she said and leaned on my shoulder

Tu Meri Adhuri Pyas Pyas, Tu Agayi Mann Ko Ras Ras Aab Tho Thu Aaja Pass Paaaas, ...

My dreams came true. I still remember the day when I proposed to her. I came home and while sleeping I imagined to dance for this song along with her. Now the first stage of that dream, she was leaning on me. I slowly raised my arm and placed around her shoulders to hug and to give some warmth.

She came forward further to rest her head on my chest and I hugged her tight enough that even air cannot enter. I uttered those magical words in her ears

“I love you”

The fragrance from her beautiful free falling hair mesmerized and hypnotized me. I lifted her head slowly and kissed in her forehead. That was my first kiss. It was a reflex action. I didn’t plan to do. The moment I kissed her, she hugged me as tight as possible. I was then drenching her face with loads of kisses. I realized that day, why people kiss when they are in love. It’s because kiss is the purest expression of love. But don’t ask me then how the movie stars kiss on screen. I can’t answer to those questions.

“Will you marry me? You won’t cheat me right? I can’t even imagine a life without you” she said and started crying. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to ease her and it took me sometime along with some promises and some kisses. Oh boy, I have kissed her a lot today. You see, this is one point where men and women differ in nature. Women, don’t accept love easily. They test the patience of men to the core and try to see if he can do anything for her and then only accept love. But once they start the relationship, they pour all their love in the relationship and expect the same from men. However, men are not that expressive. A man becomes more expressive when he finds a girl who he likes first and immediately thinks she is the best match and he proposes her. He remains expressive until he attracts his partner. Then he is back to normal. Both men and women fail to choose the right partner and in most cases with the former having the high probability of committing errors. That is one main reason why the first love never succeeds in many cases. I think the main reason starts from the purpose of life. If we do not think from the materialistic point of view or rather think from the nature point of view, we can get plenty of explanations. You can take any species for that matter, the main purpose of a species is to survive and grow along together to establish their species strongly in the world such that they don’t go extinct. So in most of the species (except honey bees and ants), the main role of the male is to help in populating while females takes care of the young ones in growing and their family and community. That’s the reason I think men often keep thinking about sex while women cares and expects more from men other than sex.

Maybe that’s the reason why she was thinking about marriage after the first rain of kisses while I was thinking about improvising it to a French kiss. It’s not my fault after all (escapism - another tendency of male species especially in male homo-sapiens).

“Please don’t leave me da” she said for ‘n’th time.

I again tried to pacify her. But she again started

“Please you won’t leave mmmmmmm…” without a second thought and even before she finished her sentence, I kissed her in her lips. My first English kiss. I never expected it to happen in my life before marriage. I can taste the mango juice which she had during the dinner, in her lips. I again kissed her. She hugged me to the core and we were in one seat. I wanted to see her face. I imagined she will be blushing and when I lift her face she will feel shy to look at me. I lifted her face slowly. She didn’t want to see me. So with a little bit force and smile on my face I lifted her face to see her reaction. To my horror, she was completely wet with tears. What have I done? I blamed myself for behaving so rude. After a long time I calmed her down. I promised not only to her but also to myself that whatever it takes I will always be with her, for her, by her side always. After all, men also have a heart.

We then talked a lot about our future plans like what we should do after the studies, how we can make our families meet, how we can make our parents accept etc. When we dropped our eyes down to sleep, the lights in the bus were on. I looked at my watch; it was drowned in her sweat. It was 5 45 am. I opened the window to see where we are. We reached our city and the bus will reach on time. This is the disadvantage with private bus. They reach on time. Her parents came to pick her up. So she got down first and I was inside the bus till she left the place.

I reached home to find my mom and dad happy after a long time and waiting eagerly for my arrival. But all my thoughts were with her. I directly went to bed after acknowledging them for few minutes. I closed my eyes only see her beautiful eyes and sweet juicy lips. I could still smell the fragrance of her hair she left on my shirt. Now we will be in the city for 5 days and I can’t wait to see her that long. I have to plan something.

I decided, my next adventure would be My First Outing.
(To be continued)

Chapter 2 - The U-turn

It’s been more than a month. She hardly sends any text message. I message her every morning and night not only because of love but also because of insecurity you know. Well, it’s very important to keep reminding our loved ones that there is another human life always thinking about you. Maybe that’s the problem a long distant relationship (like one in US and another one in India) face. Everything goes well at the beginning with same conversations as usual

“Why chappatis with aaloo why not channa???

Today I am wearing blue pyjama, ur favorite color!!!

Sky is blue and clear today here. What about there?

I miss you sweat heart. How much do you miss me???

Blah blah blah”

(Sorry, I didn’t mean to poke into their conversations. But you know curiosity kills. I wonder what they talk for such a long time). Then, slowly when one starts to concentrate on work or the life in that place, the other starts to feel ignored. Previously they used to speak and message every day, every hour and every minute. All of a sudden it reduces (mainly due to difference in work schedule, culture time and cost cutting). Slowly they start to find that it is not the same anymore. They doubt themselves and as a result finally the fight arises leading to break up in most of the cases. I think the successful long distant relationships are harder to find because it is pure understanding and no ego attitude of at least one in the pair that makes it successful. Well, let me come back to my story.

We had our semester exams coming. I didn’t feel like studying. It is hard to study when you are in love bcos u keep thinking about her and laugh. It is much harder to study when you failed in love bcos again u keep thinkin about her and cry. Anyways it didn’t affect me much as either way I am not studying. We just had 2 days for the exams and people started to feel the heat. I got up at 9, brushed and was having coffee.

You have a text message. My mobile beeped. I slowly opened to see it. It was from her. For the first time in one month she messaged me first. The message read as

“Hi. I want to meet you. Can you come to the canteen at 10 please?”

I was happy and was sad. I was happy for receiving her message and Sad that she was so formal in the message. We don’t usually send please, kindly, request to our close friends, Do we???

Anyways I was like a monkey seeing a banana. I started praying god after cursing him for one month. I asked sorry and promised to do 101 rounds of the temple if something positive happens. I looked at my watch it was 9:30 already. I looked at the message details on that message. It was sent yesterday night at 11 and received it today. Thank god that it reached before time. I didn't have time to scold the service provider. I washed my face and dressed up shabbily as usual during this one month failure stint and left to meet her.

It was 11. I was waiting for more than an hour near the entrance of the canteen. I imagined my position. What am I doing? I have important semester exams starting in 2 days. Instead of studying, I am waiting outside the canteen like a security guard for a girl. My hostel was 1 km away from canteen and I was able to make it on time but her hostel is just the next building and she hasn’t arrived yet. I can’t believe that I was doing this. I was searching for my principle about girls and money and wondered whether I had something dignity. As I was thinking she came. This is crazy. The mind of man in love is very crazy. Hardly a second before I was thinking about dignity and suddenly when I saw her 10 to 15 feet away from the canteen, I was happy again. My heart said, there she comes your love, one and only love. My mind said sweet girl, she is coming all the way to see you. My conscience said; from next time onwards add more salt to your food.

“Hi. Sorry for coming late. You are here for a long time??” she asked

“No problem. Even I came just few minutes before” I replied. I could see my conscience banging its head against the canteen wall and splitting on me. Well there is no place for conscience when you are in love. In other words if you have conscience you cannot be in love. Oh boy, now I realize why people say failures are the stepping stones for success. Within one month, I was able to come with my own philosophy.

“What are you thinking? She interfered my thoughts

“ahhh.. Nothing” I tried to come back to normal state.

“I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, why did I ask you to come suddenly only na???” she asked.

“Yeah. Wassup” I lied and actually didn’t have enough words to speak as I didn’t know what to speak. You know girls will be happy if you lie to them than telling them the truth or rather men lie to them to make them happy because truth is always bitter. But once they know you lied, you are gone. Imagine if I tell to her, “No I didn’t think about that”, what would be her reaction??? A little embarrassment can affect the mood and can create a big difference. It’s better to lie in this context and as I said before, you have to choose right words when you speak to a girl.

“I am not able to study properly. I have wired myself into complications. It was because everyone started teasing me, I had to take the decision. Why didn’t you help me in solving this??”

I was just blinking. I didn’t understand what she was talking. I just understood complications. Well, girls and complications both are one and the same, so what’s new in that??

“I don’t understand. What happened? Tell me the problem?” I told to her caringly.

“When did boys started to try to understand girls problem” with a sarcastic smile she said.

What can I do, I also accepted it and asked her again “what is the complication?”

“You are the complication. When I told you not to speak, you could have convinced me to talk to you again na. why didn’t you do that? I seriously missed you a lot in this 1 month. I realized how important you are in my life and you don’t know how much I care for you. Don’t you have any feelings for me?”

Wait a minute. These were my idea of proposing her. What is happening here? I need some air to breathe.

“what are you saying?” I actually understood, but wanted to hear those golden words again and also make sure that it’s not a dream.

“I didn’t expect you to be such a dumb ass. I said I love you” Immediately when she finished saying this I said

“I love you too”

She was surprised “what did you say now??” she wanted to know whether I did say those magical words

“Golden words are not repeated” I tried to crack a joke which as usual ended up as a poor joke.

“Chi. Naye. Tell properly da”. I shouldn’t make her wait anymore. Well girls, learn this good habit from boys. We don’t make you wait. We don't give you unnecessary stress. Do you know how it feels when you make us wait and test us? We used to feel like being put in a pressure cooker. But on the other side, if girls behave like boys then there is no attraction or no fun. I don’t know why I am talking like kamal Hassan, making all the points without coming to any conclusion. I can feel the first true symptom of love, optimism to the core. I am talking on behalf of both boys and girls. You start to look at things positively when you are in love.

“I love you too. You know that day actually I came to propose you but you were not in a good mood, so didn’t tell you. I missed you a lot” I came closer to her as I wanted to hug her tightly and kiss her when I say this to express how much she means for me. Well that’s the sad thing of being Indian. You can’t kiss in public. India is a democratic country which has freedom of speech and expression, but you can’t even express your love to your girl friend. Screw democracy.

“Ya I can see that you miss me, but you don’t have to look like a devdas for that. You look so horrible. You have to thank god that I was already in love, else I would dare to love a beggar” she started as usual.

“I purposely came like this. Otherwise other girls will come and propose me. Then you will have to be the devadas” again a poor joke which she didn’t care to listen. Before I completed the sentence she started talking

“I am hungry. Let’s go inside the canteen. The owner has been watching us for a long time. You have the purse with you right?” she asked and entered canteen even before I could react.

We were there till 5 pm eating, talking, laughing, pulling each other’s legs and knowing about family etc. Now I understand how people speak for hours together and what they speak.

The same day night

Obviously I couldn’t sleep. Neither could study for the exam. I was talking to her over the phone for 2 more hours after dinner. What a day it has been. In the morning I was a love failure case and within hours I was in love. What a sudden turn around. I thanked god and told him will come tomorrow and complete my promises (Tomorrow never dies). I switched off the lights and in moments was in bed. I could hear the music from the next room

Tu Meri Adhuri Pyas Pyas, Tu Agayi Mann Ko Ras Ras Aab Tho Thu Aaja Pass Paaaas, ...

Perfect song for the perfect situation. I started dreaming by incorporating me instead of aamir khan (with the same 8 pack physique) and her instead of asin (sorry asin) in the video and started humming the tone and lyrics

Tu Meri Adhuri Pyas Pyas, Tu Agayi Mann Ko Ras Ras Aab Tho Thu Aaja Pass Paaaas, ...

The Love life

Lub Dub. Lub Dub. Lub Dub

My heart is pumping very fast. I crossed 2 kms sprinting. I have to reach on time. She needs me now. Honey, I will be on time. The bus in which I came stopped at least 3 kms before the railway station because of a political rally. Fucking politicians, they get all our money, don’t do anything. Even if they don’t do anything for us, I would be happy if they don’t disturb out normal lives. But ass****S. I scolded all through the way and then again thought about her. Everything ran in my mind, how I met her, How did I fall for her, the failures, unexpected surprise, the fight and the career. Everything ran in my mind in frames so quickly. Also I had few questions. Why did I meet her? What made me so close to her? Why am I running to meet her now? I was rewinding our days together.

Chapter 1 – Love Failure

4 years before

I entered the class late on the first day. I had to cross all the parents and students who were waiting to see their names on the notice board to know the class room number. My parents left yesterday after making all the arrangements in hostel. I know my mom will be crying by now. I was put in ‘T’ Section and was above the canteen.

“Late on first day itself”, professor smiled at me.

“Sorry sir” I said and was looking for a place in the almost filled class.

“Lucky you. Last bench is free. Go there” and everybody laughed.

I also smiled and was indeed happy as it is often called Maapillai bench. My same place in school. After the introduction, the professor announced the rules of the college and informed about the exams, internals, subjects and all other unwanted stuffs. It was during the break, I met her first.

“Hi. Are you from Chennai?” I looked around to confirm whether she asked me or someone else.

“You asking me?”

“Only you are here. I am not mad to talk alone” and she smiled

I didn’t know what to talk and “uh. hmm. Ya I am from Chennai and did my schooling in SBOA”

“I am Subhiksha. I have seen you in the school and heard about you. That’s why asked you”.

“Oh. You also from SBOA? I have never seen you in the school”.

“For that you have to come to school. I know you always roam with Riaz group” she smiled at me.

What the hell, how did she know all these stuff??? Whatever it is she is telling the truth. I also smiled at her. The bell rang. It signaled the end of period. We had the same introductions and all the talks just like the previous period. For the entire period, I thought about only one thing. Wow a pretty girl knows about me. I am ashamed to call myself a boy without knowing about the girls in my school. Two things I decided not to fall for. One is money and next thing is girls. Whether I study or not, I try to maintain my dignity in these 2 things at least.

After 4 months

Things have changed a lot. The class room was no more silent like the first day. More of all, me and subhiksha became very close. I don’t know how. She used to ask me a lot which no one did. Even when I don’t talk to her she used to talk to me. Even if there isn’t anything she used to ask me “I am feeling very sleepy. What about you??”

“ya I had lunch” I said and she laughed hard

“Sorry what did you ask??” she found I was sleeping to the core and the professor noticed and sent us out of the class.

“Thank god. Come lets go to canteen” she whispered in my ears as we went out.

These are just example. There were plenty. I believed she liked my companion. So far I thought I will be boring companion for girls. It was something new for me.

We started to roam together. The entire college believed we were in relationship and so did I. But you know, how strong or how manly you maybe, love makes you weak. I was not afraid of anything until the instance when I felt I was in love. I didn’t know how to tell her because I was not sure whether we were really in a relationship or she still thinks me as a friend. I don’t know much about girls but I know something about them. You have to talk all the important information to girls only after knowing their mood. And you got to be very careful in choosing the words you speak. The important thing you should never do is compare the girl with anyone else. I think this is where the problem starts between mother in law and daughter in law also. When a husband compares the cooking of his wife or dressing sense like “you look like my mom. It is not as good as my mom’s sambhar.” you are gone and so does your relationship. From men’s perspective it may look wrong, but that’s their nature. Even your mom won’t like comparing her with your wife. Well you can’t do much about it, just like men keep thinking about sex and money more often than anything else.

Anyways, I decided to tell her how I felt, after knowing her mood but as soon as possible.

2 months later

I could feel the excitement in myself. I couldn’t control my feelings for her. I decided to tell her, how much I love her and care for her. Well then I need to figure out a way to propose her. The way of proposing to a girl is very important. How much ever the girl likes you, they would want to hear from you, how much you love her and how important she is in your life. People propose in different ways; some write poems, some propose in a candle light dinner. There are some funny ways too. I still remember a guy in my school came running and handed over a letter to a girl and ran away from that place. Another guy wrote his name and the girl's name on the walls of the class. He acted as though he was innocent but was caught once writing on the blackboard. The only thing I know is to talk. So I decided to talk something wonderful about her and keeping in mind all the important do's and dont's. I also searched in google for better ideas. I was well prepared. Seriously if I had taken the effort I took now for the public exams, I could have easily got into some excellent colleges. Anyways m happy that I didn’t get into any other college, otherwise I wouldn’t have met her.

In these two months I gathered lots of information and things related to her. Right from Diary milk cover to rubber band and bindhi. When I close my eyes I see her speaking about loads of things while I just admire her voice and her body language. She puts the hair falling on her ears and moving her hands like waves. I want to hold her hands. But reality blocks it. I keep concentrating on her beautiful baby-ish (babies are pink when they are born so coined this term to make it more sweet, attractive and appealing) colored lips and lovely, lively, dolly eyes. Just one look through her eyes, I felt as I am the world trade center hit by the aircrafts or the so called eyes. I still smell the scent of her hair when she was resting on my shoulders while coming back to hostel from a horrible movie. I can feel the moisture in her eyes when she cried for the entire night in phone when her dad was sick. Though boys are bit less emotional my heart was heavy that day, not because of her dad, but because of her. I can still feel her soft cherry red angry eyes when I didn’t meet her at the right time.

Class room -Early in the morning (8 am)

“I don’t know what to say. I am not feeling so good. I don’t know whether you heard it or not, everybody in the college thinks we are in a relationship. It hurts me da. I know you have been a very good friend and would always want to be a friend. But the people around us are creating a bad impression about me. I am afraid whether my cousins in junior class will tell to mom and dad. So let’s not talk hereafter in the class or outside. If you need something then message me”

I kept my hand in the left side of my chest to feel my heart beat. I couldn’t. Probably it was heavy enough to shift my heart from that place. My eyes were getting wet. I could feel it but cannot show it to her as I will break her trust which I didn’t want to.

“Ya ok. No problem. I am going out now. So will talk to you over the phone tonight”.

“No. Don’t call me. I will reply for your messages. Thanks for understanding” she replied and I left the place with a smile.

Suddenly I felt the whole world has become empty. Everything just disappeared at one go. To whom I can tell this?? I walked back to my room. I couldn’t see anything as my eyes were covered with tears. I don’t remember when I cried the last time as it was way back in the past.

Lot of people can argue that it is silly and it doesn’t qualify in love failure category. Though it is just one side, still it is love. So from today onwards I am officially a love failure case.

(to be continued in next chapter)